1. Never be humbled like this by just everything. I've had knee surgery and I had my gall bladder taken out which put me out for a bit and I relied on others quite a bit but nothing ya'll NOTHING has humbled me like this surgery. I am not typically the person that sits around and has others take care of it all. I love to be the hostess, to coordinate, to help, to bring the meal, to buy the presents, to do whatever. I'm not a stay all day in my PJs and will you please hand me my water bottle oh yes and even though you just sat down I need you to help me back up because I need to go to the bathroom...and I need you to open and close the DANG POCKET DOOR too (on a side note I can almost do this on my own as of today with the power of the toes and sliding my hands flat against it so I'm not pulling).
2. Never be so overwhelmed with grace and love of the ones around you. I could seriously write a book on this after just this week of thanks for the grace and love our family and friends have shown us. Sometimes it will be overwhelming in an OMG-I'm-so-thankful way. Sometimes it will be overwhelming in an OMG-if-I-don't-get-to-be-by-myself-for-5-seconds-soon-I'm-gonna-freak-out-way. It's a bit of a roller coaster. Just ride it. Don't freak out. Everything around you is being done out of love. Even if it feels totally out of your comfort zone to be served like this (like me) - just do what a sweet friend told me to do "and just smile and say thank you." Just accept and do that. It will get you far in life.
3. Thank sweet baby Jesus for whoever invented tunic PJ shirts. If you have this procedure - GET THESE. Pants are not your amigo this week amiga. If you're like me you will be relishing in the no pants dance (the very unsexy kind) for at least 4-5 days.
4. Pray for the day you can sleep in any other freaking position but flat or semi reclined on your back. If you're already a back sleeper - get on with yo bad self. I am not. I literally burrow myself on my belly UNDERNEATH the pillows on our bed and am covered completely like a hibernating sleeping (baylor) bear. I feel like I am preparing for a role in the walking dead or the munster's family reunion or something sleeping on my back. Hate.it. but getting better at it. Still can't wait to flip like an overdone pancake though the moment my Dr gives me the OK- you better believe.
5. Not feel like your body is your own. And be really really really grossed out with some of it. I currently have 4 drains in (two on either side...PRAYING these get taken out tomorrow at my post op appointment). Ummm drains are so so so so SO gross. And a pain in the CAPITAL A**.
6. Be so thankful for naps. And you will be mentally sorry for every time you fought your mom or kindergarten teacher (because we still took naps in kinder when I did it) on naps. Nap hard ladies. No shame.
7. Be so thankful for extra pillows. MDACC let me take ALL THE PILLOWS from my hospital bed (which was 4) and I have use them constantly from sleeping to padding the seat belt in the car to helping prop up my iPad on my lap in a more comfortable way. I don't care if these get dirty or gross or collapse or anything. If you are offered your hospital pillows and they are decent - take em like it's a BOGO deal in the shoe section. You can never have enough.
8. Be INTIMATELY more familiar with people you never thought you would be. And these people will not even be fazed by helping you shower, or shave, or put on pants or change dressings on your boobs or anything. People that love you are really amazing. Let them be amazing. Even when it's uncomfortable for you. I mean at this point my mom and my mother in law and my best friend have all helped me out (in addition to hubby of course). Um can you get any closer than your mother in law doing dressing changes? #ithinkno. On a secondary note - THANK YOU JESUS for putting a mom in my life that is a champ like no other and a mother in law in my life that loves me like her own, that I get to love just as much and that I am able to get along with so well. I know this is not the case for everyone but I hope it is and I had to give some major props again to these ladies. I am blessed.
9. Start to appreciate the many different phases of bad hair days and really not care that much that you kind of look like you could be interviewed on the news for a post tornado recovery special and fit riiiight in. O ladies - I have super long very thick hair. This has started to become an epic thing.
10. Have good days. And bad days. And in between days. And moments of all of those in each day. You will hurt and feel better. You will feel helpless and mighty. You will feel very not beautiful and be proud of your body all at the same time. You will feel anxious and worry- in those moments precious friend I pray you are able to fall on the Lord and be held in his hands and find peace. I have dwelt on the scripture in Deut. 31:6 and 31:8 and Isaiah 41. He calls us by name. We are his.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
I pray you are able to adopt what my surgeon said when I semi-freaked-out last Friday when she expressed her concern about the tissue on the right side and she said -Hannah - it's your body - we have taken good care of it and you and we are doing our best. We will have to watch it heal as it heals and we will do everything in our power to get you excellent outcomes which we fully expect. Just let your body heal. Be patient. Ya....patience...not so good at that one with anything dealing with myself. So allow yourself all these things. Feel these things and and the end of the day let it go. You have done your best. You are in excellent hands. And tomorrow will come and you will continue to heal and you know what? It really really will be ok. NO matter what. So breathe. God's got this. And in the meantime you get to take what is probably one of the only moments in your life where it is COMPLETELY acceptable for you to literally sit on the couch eating bonbons. Life is like a box of chocolates peeps - a really really blessed box of chocolates. I think Forest got it right.
Have a great Tuesday everyone! Post Op #2 is tomorrow so I'll keep you posted on that one.
Kick high today!
-H
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